Being Adopted - the search

I was adopted at birth by a wonderful, loving, and caring family who wanted a baby girl so bad. They raised me with tons of love, and the best of everything. I always knew I was adopted. I was always told all the good things that adoptive parents say. We chose you, the lady who had you couldn't take care of you so she asked us to. As a child and teenager I never care who my birthpeople were. Birthpeople, or birthman and birthwoman, because they do not deserve the title of Mother and father.



The time came when Jeremy and I were thinking about starting a family. I had some other health issue go on, and ob suggested that maybe I should make an effort to obtain my medical records. I knew nothing. I had no history or even what my nationality was, and those poses a problem when the doctor doesn't know what genetic testing she should be doing, or things we should watch out for.



After my appointment I went to my dad and expressed my desire to obtain my medical records, but that I did not want the birthpeople to know who I was. He of course was loving and supportive, and I hope not freaked out inside. If he was he sure hid it! He found a private investigator and we went to meet with him. We had no information but for two things. They were local to the chicagoland area, and a discharge slip from the hospital that my mom wrangled out of a nurse at the hospital, that had my biological last name on it.



Two weeks later my phone rings and it is the investigator called and told me he had found them. They were living in Vancouver, Washington now, and they would love to speak to me. They will give me any information I want, and never bother me again. Ok, this was SO not the plan. This had not even entered my brain. I figured they are local and there was no way I was going to open that can of worms. The investigator urged me to call, what harm could it cause, they were 3,000 miles away. He gives me their names and there number.



I sit there for a minute just staring at this piece of paper with these strangers names and number on it. My gut is telling my brain that it does not like this one bit. I call my dad and deliver the news. We talk for a while and my dad urges me to call them. To let them hear my voice to know I am ok. This honestly did not compute in my emotions the way it does today now that I have my own children.



For two days I sat with that piece of paper leering at me from counter. A million scenarios ran through my head. I had always felt that I gave them credit for giving me up. That if they couldn't care for a child, it is a hard choice to choose a better life for them.

I finally decided to call. I didn't think about it - just picked up the phone and called. Wanda, my biological woman, answered and I told her who it was. She told me to hand and I heard all kinds of commotion. Finally I am put on speaker phone with her and Tom, my biological man. I could hear their emotions in their voices. The weirdest thing is I could hear how emotional they were and I really felt nothing. They were strangers.

We all talked for a long time, and they asked me a ton of questions. Did I have a good life, was I happy, did I have a good childhood. I asked they all about my ancestry and medical history. I also asked them if they would file with the Illinois Registry with me to once and for all have my records unsealed. With Illinois if you have a closed adoption, which mine was, if you file and biological parents or siblings also file they open the records. So, they agreed, and we hung up exchanging email addresses.

We talked via email a bit, and they sent me all the forms for the registry. Thank I get an email they will be in Chicago in two days. They have family here still but wanted to meet me. This definitely freaked me out. Chatting on email was one thing, but being with them was another. Jeremy (my husband) and my dad both urged me to look at it in a positive light.

They arrived and were staying at a hotel down the road from our townhouse. I drove over to see them feeling like I was in some bad lifetime movie. I get to the room and knock on the door. They open it and immediately start crying, and coming to hug and hold me. Ok, this was so out of my comfort zone! I am not a touchy feely person, and they were totally invading my personal and emotional space. I started to back peddle. Wishing I could suddenly transport home like on the enterprise. They sensed this and backed off. They invited me to come and sit. We talked for a bit, and thank goodness jeremy got home from work and I took them by the house to him.

It was all very pleasant, but I, inside, couldn't wait for it to be over. I told Jeremy that night that it was so strange. I felt no connection at all. They felt like total and complete st ranges and I felt no jolt of emotion. The weekend passed and they went home.

Some time passed and one night I received a long email from Wanda. Explaining to me why she gave me up. I never asked, I didn't care why. She went into a long heart wrenching story about how Tom went to Vietnam she found herself pregnant, not knowing if he was going to come back. At this point they also told me there were no other children. They had stayed married all of these years, and were now retired. They were financially very well off.

I said thank you for telling me, but it really made no difference. I than learned they had a son. A brother who was older than me. She was married before Tom, he left her and Tom raised him as his own son. He didn't know that Tom was not his real father, and they were afraid to tell me about him because he didn't know I existed and they didn't know what I would do. They also sent me a ton of pictures. It was cool to finally be filling in the pieces of my heritage.

About a month later I get a fedex package. It is from the Illinois registry. It had tons of paperwork and my original birth certificate, which I had never seen. It also had another match. A sister. Really! They left that little detail out. She was 18 months older than me and also given up for adoption at birth. Her name was Pam and she grew up in Alton, Illinois. Well, wasn't that interesting. It also blew a million holes through Wanda's sob story about why I was given up. She got pregnant had Pam gave her up. Nine months later got pregnant with me and gave me up.

I call my dad and ask him, what was really the deal? Were they selling babies on the black market? How could they have had two babies so close together and give them both up. And mind you, Pam and I are the only natural children of that marriage. My dad informed me that was not the case.

I hang up with him and pick up the phone and call Pam. We talked for a long time, and I filled her in on our birthpeople. She definitely had more baggage than I did. She grew up in a happy home, but had a larger void to fill. She needed to know why she was given up. I told her what Wanda told me but that it couldn't be true. We agreed to meet and I have her our birthpeople's information.

Than night I sit and write a long email to the birthpeople. I tell them I found Pam, that I knew everything they told me frankly BS. I told them I didn't understand the lies because I never asked in the first place. I told them it was nice to have found out about my heritage, and to know who they were, but that I was basically done. I really didn't want any contact with them. That it was now time for all of us to move on.

The answers were frantic and frankly a bit nuts! Emotionally all over the map from sob stories to being angry with me. I ignored them, just forwarding them to my hubby so we could share how nuts they were.

About a month later I met Pam and her husband and her two children. It was nice, but again for me she too was a stranger, and I really didn't have that much in common with her.

After a month or so after of this quieted down I was left with one overwhelming feeling. That I ended up in life where I was supposed to be. That I was meant to be with my mom and dad. It made me even more so appreciate what amazing and wonderful parents I had.

During this time I got pregnant with my first child. Having her defiantly changed how I felt about everything. That I am saving for part 2.