Saturday, May 29, 2010

20 things a burglar wont tell you


1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom while I was working in your yard last week. While I was there I unlatched a window to make my return easier.

3. Love those beautiful flowers in your front. Tells me you have good taste..and good taste means nice things inside.

4. All of the great kid toys and bikes out front makes me wonder what type of gaming systems you have inside.

5. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on your driveway, and I might even put a flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to take it off.

6. If it snows and your out of town, have a neighbor make car tracks on your driveway, it's a dead giveaway.

7. Its raining and your fumbling with your keys and umbrella, and you forget to lock your door. We all do it, but I don't take the day of due to weather.

8. I will always knock first. If you answer, I will ask for directions or to clean your gutters. Don't take me up on it.

9. Do you honestly think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, nightstand and medicine cabinets. I almost never go into kids rooms!!

10. I won't have enough time to break into that safe you have, but if it's not bolted down I will just take it with me.

11. A loud TV or radio can be better than an alarm system. If your out of town put your TV on a timer.

12. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never ever look like a crook.

13. I dislike loud dogs and noisy neighbors.

14. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a bit of noise. If your neighbor hears one loud noise, he'll stop what he is doing to see if he hears it again. If he doesn't he"ll go back to what he was doing.

15. Why would you spend all that money for an alarm and not set it?

16. I love to look in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you are home, or a flat screen, or wii, or other things I would like. I'll walk by your house at night before you close your blinds just to pick out what I want.

17. Don't put your vacation plans on facebook, its easy to get your address.

18. To leave a window cracked during the day is a way to get some fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

19. If you don't answer when I knock, I will try the door. I sometimes get lucky and walk right in.

20. I hate wasp spray. It is better than pepper spray, and can shoot up to 20 feet away and is more accurate than pepper spray. You can get me before I get close, and I will be blind until I get to a hospital for an antidote.

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